This is an email sent by a friend. Take a look.
These are pretty clever. Don't rush. Study each picture and try to determine what it represents. You can see the answer by moving your mouse cursor over the picture (make sure the web page is the active window).
Put on your thinking caps.
FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:
Please enjoy and understand the following :
1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.
3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?
34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
You know, I have always liked having four seasons. I have lived all around the world and the places where I lived that had fewer just seemed to lack something. That being said, there comes a time when enough is enough and it is simply time to move on to the next season. SO, with that...
This image sent to me by my friend Fran!
My friend Matt sent me the first image in this list. I noticed it was from MthruF.com and I thought I would go take a look. Definitely, if you have a minute to browse, check out this site. They have some pretty funny office humor on there!
I did some work on my Random Nonsense Generator... Check it out! HERE!
If you are interested in details about how the program works, click on the version line in the bottom right corner. It will provide a description along with the number of items in the lists... (it is essentally my counter to let me know how many items I have added)
Actually, I have tweaked and tuned MOST of the things on the Humor & Fun menu above. Check them out too!
Letters... Funny Letters...
So, I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends? Come on now.
I've never heard anyone say "I don't know, let's Yahoo it!"Just sayin'...
Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely, Black people
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sorry to hear about global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely, The Titanic
Sincerely, Stevie Wonder
Sincerely, The World
I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely, Sarah Palin
Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Sincerely, United States
Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
Sincerly, Parents Everywhere
What was your power again?
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies
I'm sorry, did you just insult us? I couldn't hear you over my health care benefits.
Dear Global Warming,
You're the best imaginary friend ever!
Sincerely, Al Gore
How did you get away with the kids sitting on your lap trick?
Sincerely, Michael Jackson
Dear Ugly People,
Dear Mr. Gump
WTF are you talking about? There's a little diagram on the lid that tells you EXACTLY what you're gonna get....
Dear Katy Perry,
I liked the kiss too.
Sincerely, Justin Beiber
Dear Martin Luther King Jr.
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream.... What now?
Sincerely, Leonardo Di Caprio
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely, The Mayans
GET BACK TO WORK!
Sincerely, Willy Wonka
Dear White People,
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely, Native Americans
If he sparkles, he's probably one of ours
Sincerely, Gay Men Of America
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Sincerely, Every iPhone User
Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?
At least you get picked up...
Sincerely, The Girls of Jersey Shore
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.
Sincerely, Dr. Pepper
Subject: Dear God: It's me, the Dog
I loved this. It made me laugh out loud.
From: THE DOG
Dear God: Is it on purpose that our
names are the same, only reversed?
Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers,
but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
Dear God: When we get to Heaven, can we sit
on your couch? Or will it be the same old story?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after
the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang,
the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE
named for a Dog? How often do you
see a cougar riding around? We love a nice car
ride! Would it be so hard to rename
the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?
Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off
in the forest and no human hears him,
is he still a bad Dog?
Dear God: We Dogs can understand human
verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles,
horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs,
electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee
flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God: More meatballs,
less spaghetti, please.
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven?
If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God: Here is a list of
just some of the things I must remember
to be a good Dog:
1. I will not eat the cat's food before he eats
it or after he throws it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish,
crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's
underwear when he's on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's
crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.
8. I don't need to suddenly stand
straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before
entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside,
and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living
room, and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy',
so when I play with him and he makes that noise,
it's usually not a good thing.
P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven,
may I have my testicles back?
You know how one little word can really change a story? Here is a perfect example!!!
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.
"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."
Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.
"Now," she announced in a quavering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
All the men sighed with unified relief.
The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.
He said, "I'm Tom Smith."
The entire congregation held its breath.
"I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."
Did Prince Philip fart?
..and he probably does all the time. What the heck, he's almost ninety, and at that age you don't hold anything back even if you wanted to! The really important question?
Did Philip Fart?
What do you think?
The expressions are priceless!
Look at the Queen's face!
A fart is a pleasant thing,
It gives the belly ease,
It warms the bed in winter,
And suffocates the fleas.
A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known
To sound like a song......
A fart can create
A most curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent, and deadly.
A fart might not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger a while......
A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone there,
With strange looks on their faces.
From wide-open prairie,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of
Us sooner or later.
But farts are all bad,
Is simply not true-
We must never forget.......
Sweet old farts like you!
Kinda brings a tear to your eye - right?
Thanks for the phartuitous humor Mom!
These are the most wonderous photos. You just have to take a moment and look at all the little details. These pictures made me smile all day and I wanted to share them.
This little girl’s mother is a computer specialist from Helsinki , Finland . While her daughter is soundly asleep, she creates a completely different world … from whatever she can find around her! That’s how both of them became really famous. What a truly fabulous imagination!