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Friday, 25 February 2011 04:13

Figure it out!!!

This is an email sent by a friend. Take a look. Laughing

 

These are pretty clever. Don't rush. Study each picture and try to determine what it represents. You can see the answer by moving your mouse cursor over the picture (make sure the web page is the active window).


Put on your thinking caps.

 


 

 

 

Eggplant

 


 

 

 

Doctor Pepper

 


 

 

 

Pool Table

 


 

 

 

Tap Dancers

 


 

 

 

Card Shark

 


 

 

 

The King of Pop

 


 

 

 

I Pod

 


 

 

 

Gator-Aide

 


 

 

 

Knight Mare

 


 

 

 

Hole Milk

 


 

 

 

Light Beer

 

Thanks Steve! Laughing

Published in What the???
Friday, 25 February 2011 01:58

Clearly Ambiguous!

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:

Please enjoy and understand the following :

1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?

31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?

34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

Thanks Matt!

Published in Chuckler
Thursday, 17 February 2011 12:31

Long winters...

You know, I have always liked having four seasons. I have lived all around the world and the places where I lived that had fewer just seemed to lack something. That being said, there comes a time when enough is enough and it is simply time to move on to the next season. SO, with that...

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This image sent to me by my friend Fran!

Published in Chuckler
Wednesday, 16 February 2011 00:30

Office & Geek Humor

My friend Matt sent me the first image in this list. I noticed it was from MthruF.com and I thought I would go take a look. Definitely, if you have a minute to browse, check out this site. They have some pretty funny office humor on there! Laughing

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Published in Geeky
Wednesday, 02 February 2011 12:31

Things that make you go, huh? (updated)

I did some work on my Random Nonsense Generator... Check it out! HERE!

If you are interested in details about how the program works, click on the version line in the bottom right corner. It will provide a description along with the number of items in the lists... (it is essentally my counter to let me know how many items I have added)

Actually, I have tweaked and tuned MOST of the things on the Humor & Fun menu above. Check them out too! Smile

Published in Groaner
Friday, 28 January 2011 02:51

Serious Letters!

Letters... Funny Letters...

Dear 2010,
So, I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Sincerely, 1985

Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends? Come on now.
Sincerely, Anonymous.

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say "I don't know, let's Yahoo it!"Just sayin'...
Sincerely, Google

Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely, Black people

Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely, Canada

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely, The Titanic

Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,
Please lknvfdmv.xvn.
Sincerely, Stevie Wonder

Dear Nickleback,
That's enough.
Sincerely, The World

Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely, Sarah Palin

Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Marco....
Sincerely, United States

Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
Sincerly, Parents Everywhere

Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely, Superman

Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies

Dear Americans,
I'm sorry, did you just insult us? I couldn't hear you over my health care benefits.
Sincerely, Canadians

Dear Global Warming,
You're the best imaginary friend ever!
Sincerely, Al Gore

Dear Santa,
How did you get away with the kids sitting on your lap trick?
Sincerely, Michael Jackson

Dear Ugly People,
You're welcome.
Sincerely, Alcohol

Dear Mr. Gump
WTF are you talking about? There's a little diagram on the lid that tells you EXACTLY what you're gonna get....
Sincerely, Jenny

Dear Katy Perry,
I liked the kiss too.
Sincerely, Justin Beiber

Dear Martin Luther King Jr.
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream.... What now?
Sincerely, Leonardo Di Caprio

Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely, The Mayans

Dear Snooki,
GET BACK TO WORK!
Sincerely, Willy Wonka

Dear White People,
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely, Native Americans

Dear Twihards,
If he sparkles, he's probably one of ours
Sincerely, Gay Men Of America

Dear iPhone,
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Sincerely, Every iPhone User

Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?
Sincerely, Terrified

Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up...
Sincerely, The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear Man,
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely, Elephant

Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.
Sincerely, Dr. Pepper

Published in Chuckler
Friday, 28 January 2011 02:26

Letter from a Dog...

Subject: Dear God: It's me, the Dogdog_Image12
I loved this. It made me laugh out loud.


From: THE DOG

dog_Image2

Dear God: Is it on purpose that our
names are the same, only reversed?

dog_Image3

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers,
but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

dog_Image4

Dear God: When we get to Heaven, can we sit
on your couch? Or will it be the same old story?

dog_Image5

Dear God: Why are there cars named after
the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang,
the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE
named for a Dog? How often do you
see a cougar riding around? We love a nice car
ride! Would it be so hard to rename
the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

dog_Image6

Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off
in the forest and no human hears him,
is he still a bad Dog?

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Dear God: We Dogs can understand human
verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles,
horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs,
electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee
flight paths. What do humans understand?

dog_Image8

Dear God: More meatballs,
less spaghetti, please.

dog_Image9

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven?
If there are, will I have to apologize?

dog_Image10

Dear God: Here is a list of
just some of the things I must remember
to be a good Dog:


1. I will not eat the cat's food before he eats
it or after he throws it up.


2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish,
crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.


3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.


4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.


5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.


6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's
underwear when he's on the toilet.


7. Sticking my nose into someone's
crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.


8. I don't need to suddenly stand
straight up when I'm under the coffee table.


9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before
entering the house - not after.


10. I will not come in from outside,
and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.


11. I will not sit in the middle of the living
room, and lick my crotch.


12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy',
so when I play with him and he makes that noise,
it's usually not a good thing.

dog_Image11

P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven,
may I have my testicles back?

Published in Faves
Tuesday, 25 January 2011 23:52

One little word...

You know how one little word can really change a story? Here is a perfect example!!!

Laughing

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.

"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

"Now," she announced in a quavering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with unified relief.

The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, "I'm Tom Smith."

The entire congregation held its breath.

Embarrassed Man

"I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."

Thanks Steve! Laughing

Published in Hilarity
Saturday, 22 January 2011 16:09

PhArToOtIe!

Did Prince Philip fart?

..and he probably does all the time. What the heck, he's almost ninety, and at that age you don't hold anything back even if you wanted to! The really important question?

Did Philip Fart?

What do you think?

PhArToOt!

The expressions are priceless!
Look at the Queen's face!

A fart is a pleasant thing,
It gives the belly ease,
It warms the bed in winter,
And suffocates the fleas.

A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloud

A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known
To sound like a song......

A fart can create
A most curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent, and deadly.

A fart might not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger a while......

A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone there,
With strange looks on their faces.

From wide-open prairie,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of
Us sooner or later.

But farts are all bad,
Is simply not true-
We must never forget.......
Sweet old farts like you!

Kinda brings a tear to your eye - right?

Thanks for the phartuitous humor Mom! Laughing

Published in Chuckler
Wednesday, 19 January 2011 01:21

One Mom's Imagination...

These are the most wonderous photos. You just have to take a moment and look at all the little details. These pictures made me smile all day and I wanted to share them.


This little girl’s mother is a computer specialist from Helsinki , Finland . While her daughter is soundly asleep, she creates a completely different world … from whatever she can find around her! That’s how both of them became really famous. What a truly fabulous imagination!

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Published in Awesomeness