I am not sure what the caption to this photo means... BUT, it is a very cute picture...
When a male can't stand it anymore!
"You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders - The most famous of which is 'never get involved in a land war in Asia' - but only slightly less well-known is this: 'Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line'! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha..."
"You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one. So there... there were two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, 'Wait a second, could it be?' And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!"
If you know us, you probably also know that about a year ago, Penny and I returned to the biker lifestyle. Well okay, maybe biker lite lifestyle. We both have Harley Davidson motorcycles. She has an '09 Sportster and I have an '09 Dyna. Well, here is the dilema...
It is EXHAUSTING dealing with the garage door when we go riding. We have to get off the bike and go close it after we pull out, and even worse, pull up, get off, tap in a code to open the garage door so we can put the bikes away. That is where the "lazy" comes in... I have been looking at systems that you can install on the motorcycle to open the garage doors. Most seem to hook into the headlight circuit; you flash your highbeams a couple times to activate the installed opener and it sends a signal to the opener and opens the door. Of course, HD being HD (Harley Davidson)... Their version of equipment cost well over $100 or HD (Hundred Dollars). So, I have been looking on ebay and the like. I found this system demo on YouTube and thought that maybe you all would be interested in seeing how this guy's system works. It is actually a very clean installation! There is no indication that the system has been even installed on the bike, and THAT is exactly what I want!!!
Unfortunately, I'd have to rely on the basement troll (Dan) to do the deed. He is pretty unreliable because he is rarely home...
HERE'S THE REASON...
WHY OUR HEALTH CARE COSTS ARE SO HIGH!!!
Bubba had shingles.
Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?
Here's what happened to Bubba:
Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, 'Shingles.'
The doctor asked, 'Where?'
Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??'
HOPE THIS MAKES YOU LAUGH OUT LOUD LIKE I DID... THESE DAYS WE NEED ALL THE LAUGHS WE CAN GET
Here is a good story sent to me by another friend...
My wife and I went to the Liberty County agricultural show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,
' This bull mated 50 times last year. '
My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs... Smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.'
We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
' This bull mated 150 times last year. '
My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW!! That's more than twice a week ! ...You could learn a lot from him.'
We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters,
' THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR! '
My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,
'That's once a day ...You could REALLY learn something from this one.'
I looked at her and said, 'Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.'
My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery.
FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:
Please enjoy and understand the following :
1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.
3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?
34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
You know, I have always liked having four seasons. I have lived all around the world and the places where I lived that had fewer just seemed to lack something. That being said, there comes a time when enough is enough and it is simply time to move on to the next season. SO, with that...
This image sent to me by my friend Fran!
Letters... Funny Letters...
So, I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends? Come on now.
I've never heard anyone say "I don't know, let's Yahoo it!"Just sayin'...
Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely, Black people
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sorry to hear about global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely, The Titanic
Sincerely, Stevie Wonder
Sincerely, The World
I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely, Sarah Palin
Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Sincerely, United States
Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
Sincerly, Parents Everywhere
What was your power again?
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies
I'm sorry, did you just insult us? I couldn't hear you over my health care benefits.
Dear Global Warming,
You're the best imaginary friend ever!
Sincerely, Al Gore
How did you get away with the kids sitting on your lap trick?
Sincerely, Michael Jackson
Dear Ugly People,
Dear Mr. Gump
WTF are you talking about? There's a little diagram on the lid that tells you EXACTLY what you're gonna get....
Dear Katy Perry,
I liked the kiss too.
Sincerely, Justin Beiber
Dear Martin Luther King Jr.
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream.... What now?
Sincerely, Leonardo Di Caprio
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely, The Mayans
GET BACK TO WORK!
Sincerely, Willy Wonka
Dear White People,
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely, Native Americans
If he sparkles, he's probably one of ours
Sincerely, Gay Men Of America
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Sincerely, Every iPhone User
Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?
At least you get picked up...
Sincerely, The Girls of Jersey Shore
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.
Sincerely, Dr. Pepper
Did Prince Philip fart?
..and he probably does all the time. What the heck, he's almost ninety, and at that age you don't hold anything back even if you wanted to! The really important question?
Did Philip Fart?
What do you think?
The expressions are priceless!
Look at the Queen's face!
A fart is a pleasant thing,
It gives the belly ease,
It warms the bed in winter,
And suffocates the fleas.
A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known
To sound like a song......
A fart can create
A most curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent, and deadly.
A fart might not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger a while......
A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone there,
With strange looks on their faces.
From wide-open prairie,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of
Us sooner or later.
But farts are all bad,
Is simply not true-
We must never forget.......
Sweet old farts like you!
Kinda brings a tear to your eye - right?
Thanks for the phartuitous humor Mom!
As if you didn't already realize that from some of my earlier BLOG posts! Anyway, here are some images one of my coworkers has on the window of his office. I stopped and checked them out, had a good laugh and thought I would post them here...