I am a geek. A Windows geek to be exact. I do all things computer. I do like outdoor activities; camping, fishing, riding my hawg, etc. but I always gravitate back to the computer. In fact, between work, the biz and other stuff, if I am not on the 'puter for 14 - 16 hours a day, I feel deprived!
You know, I have always liked having four seasons. I have lived all around the world and the places where I lived that had fewer just seemed to lack something. That being said, there comes a time when enough is enough and it is simply time to move on to the next season. SO, with that...
This image sent to me by my friend Fran!
My friend Matt sent me the first image in this list. I noticed it was from MthruF.com and I thought I would go take a look. Definitely, if you have a minute to browse, check out this site. They have some pretty funny office humor on there!
Having spent some time in Central Australia, and visiting around the Eastern perimeter, these photo's kind of hit home and made me a bit sad. Have a look.
Some first-hand pics.
Perhaps the most rivetting pic to me is the tug boat going down the main street of the Brisbane Central Buisness District.
It is the third largest city in Ozz, with a population of 3.3 million.
Now the crocs are moving in, the one shown was in the Central Park in Rockhampton City, they are gorging on dogs and carrion.
Now also the bloody snakes are everywhere, washed out of the bush and taken residence in abandoned houses in towns and the cities.
No one knows yet the real cost of all this, but it will be just massive, and it is gonna hurt us.
For the most part, Australia is flat and is just a massive flood plain, and it all runs from north to south.
Thanks to our friend Fran for sending the original email to me!
I have an idea for a new, probably boring, geek feature for my site. As part of my research for this idea I ran across this Password Tester! Try it out! It is pretty cool! This item is actually on the Computer Tips & Trix menu. There is a link to the original site at the bottom of the page, if you want to get a copy for yourself!
As I learn new things, I have made a few adjustments to some of the features on the Humor & Fun menu.
1. The Baby Namers: I have added cookies so it remembers your last name and also remembers the list of names you like for about 30 days after the last addition, or until you clear the list. I also added a little image on the top right that will allow you to switch between the girl namer and boy namer without revisiting the menus.
2. The Name Bander: Like the Baby Namers, it will remember the list of names you like for 30 days after the last addition, or until you clear the list.
3. The Random Nonsense Generator: It will allow you to backup and see the last sentence if you clicked too soon. This is just a toggle. You can go back one and return to the current one. You may also go back one, then just continue on. It also allows you to save a list of the ones you like for 30 days after the last update. I have added quite a mix of stuff to it, some may end up sounding naughty by coincedence and some may be naughty on purpose. Some may be weird and because of the mix, some may simply be nonsensical rubish. Keep clicking and remember you can click on the version line below for details about how much is in the each list.
4. Evil Overlord and Shakespearean Insulter: The only real changes to these is it no longer does a page refresh to get to the new stuff. However, Shakespeare does not talk every time now. Only when you first connect to the page. (Watch the image, he doesn't mean it...).
More to follow!
Some of you may have noticed our site was down for nearly 24 hours. We run this site on a server at our house and we have to register with a "Dynamic DNS" service to allow the connection to our server because of how our ISP handles internet access. This is why there is the :4763 after our site name. Anyway, the company we WERE using announced six months or so ago that they would no longer provide this service once our agreement ran out. They are getting out of THIS business, it was not anything we did. We are SO controversial after all... It was just our time, our agreement expired. It just took some time to get our site name transfered to a now hosting company and get everything reconfigured to point at our server. GOT'ER DUN!
Actually, it might be my imagination but I THINK it the site comes up a little faster now. Maybe that is my imagination and it will change after the shiny new wears off.
I did some work on my Random Nonsense Generator... Check it out! HERE!
If you are interested in details about how the program works, click on the version line in the bottom right corner. It will provide a description along with the number of items in the lists... (it is essentally my counter to let me know how many items I have added)
Actually, I have tweaked and tuned MOST of the things on the Humor & Fun menu above. Check them out too!
Letters... Funny Letters...
So, I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends? Come on now.
I've never heard anyone say "I don't know, let's Yahoo it!"Just sayin'...
Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely, Black people
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sorry to hear about global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely, The Titanic
Sincerely, Stevie Wonder
Sincerely, The World
I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely, Sarah Palin
Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Sincerely, United States
Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
Sincerly, Parents Everywhere
What was your power again?
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies
I'm sorry, did you just insult us? I couldn't hear you over my health care benefits.
Dear Global Warming,
You're the best imaginary friend ever!
Sincerely, Al Gore
How did you get away with the kids sitting on your lap trick?
Sincerely, Michael Jackson
Dear Ugly People,
Dear Mr. Gump
WTF are you talking about? There's a little diagram on the lid that tells you EXACTLY what you're gonna get....
Dear Katy Perry,
I liked the kiss too.
Sincerely, Justin Beiber
Dear Martin Luther King Jr.
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream.... What now?
Sincerely, Leonardo Di Caprio
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely, The Mayans
GET BACK TO WORK!
Sincerely, Willy Wonka
Dear White People,
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely, Native Americans
If he sparkles, he's probably one of ours
Sincerely, Gay Men Of America
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Sincerely, Every iPhone User
Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?
At least you get picked up...
Sincerely, The Girls of Jersey Shore
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.
Sincerely, Dr. Pepper
Subject: Dear God: It's me, the Dog
I loved this. It made me laugh out loud.
From: THE DOG
Dear God: Is it on purpose that our
names are the same, only reversed?
Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers,
but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
Dear God: When we get to Heaven, can we sit
on your couch? Or will it be the same old story?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after
the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang,
the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE
named for a Dog? How often do you
see a cougar riding around? We love a nice car
ride! Would it be so hard to rename
the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?
Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off
in the forest and no human hears him,
is he still a bad Dog?
Dear God: We Dogs can understand human
verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles,
horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs,
electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee
flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God: More meatballs,
less spaghetti, please.
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven?
If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God: Here is a list of
just some of the things I must remember
to be a good Dog:
1. I will not eat the cat's food before he eats
it or after he throws it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish,
crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's
underwear when he's on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's
crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.
8. I don't need to suddenly stand
straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before
entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside,
and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living
room, and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy',
so when I play with him and he makes that noise,
it's usually not a good thing.
P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven,
may I have my testicles back?
You know how one little word can really change a story? Here is a perfect example!!!
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.
"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."
Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.
"Now," she announced in a quavering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
All the men sighed with unified relief.
The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.
He said, "I'm Tom Smith."
The entire congregation held its breath.
"I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."
Did Prince Philip fart?
..and he probably does all the time. What the heck, he's almost ninety, and at that age you don't hold anything back even if you wanted to! The really important question?
Did Philip Fart?
What do you think?
The expressions are priceless!
Look at the Queen's face!
A fart is a pleasant thing,
It gives the belly ease,
It warms the bed in winter,
And suffocates the fleas.
A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known
To sound like a song......
A fart can create
A most curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent, and deadly.
A fart might not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger a while......
A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone there,
With strange looks on their faces.
From wide-open prairie,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of
Us sooner or later.
But farts are all bad,
Is simply not true-
We must never forget.......
Sweet old farts like you!
Kinda brings a tear to your eye - right?
Thanks for the phartuitous humor Mom!
This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.
Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience.
There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter...Snowing and quite cold... And the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah .. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before.
The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.
They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for awhile. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.
Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold.
Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about' what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.
Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.
So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.
As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down.
Or perhaps that should be 'pants down. ' And you thought your first date was embarrassing.
Jay Leno's comment...'This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.'
Oh, and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.
This is another GEM from my friend Steve!
This was another email forwarded to my by my friend Steve. Had to post it!
As if you didn't already realize that from some of my earlier BLOG posts! Anyway, here are some images one of my coworkers has on the window of his office. I stopped and checked them out, had a good laugh and thought I would post them here...
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned 68.)
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'
The doctor responded by asking, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'
'Oh no,' I replied.. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'
'I said, 'Not much since my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, go on vacations or have a lot of sex?'
'No,' I said.
He looked at me and said,... 'Then, why do you even care?