I am a geek. A Windows geek to be exact. I do all things computer. I do like outdoor activities; camping, fishing, riding my hawg, etc. but I always gravitate back to the computer. In fact, between work, the biz and other stuff, if I am not on the 'puter for 14 - 16 hours a day, I feel deprived!
FOR ALL THE WOMEN I KNOW WHO DRIVE ALONE!
I had a flat tire on the 394 yesterday ; so, I pulled over, got out of the car and opened my trunk.
I took out my cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They look so lifelike you wouldn't believe it!
Just as I had hoped, cars started slowing down looking at the men which made it much safer for me to work on the side of the road.
People honked and waved, and it wasn't long before a police car pulled up behind me.
He wanted to know what the heck I was doing so I calmly explained that I was changing my flat. He told me he could see that, but demanded to know what the heck my cardboard men were doing standing at the rear of my car.
I couldn't believe he didn't know! So I told him ...
Well, I explained to the angry Policeman ...
They're my Emergency Flashers!!!!
I go to court in January.
(Damn Police. No sense of humor.)
This one speaks for itself... I thought it was funny and had to share. (No, I am not hen pecked... Am I honey???)
Whether you own a dog or not, you must appreciate the efforts of this owner to sell her dog. See the picture and read the sales pitch below......
Dog For Sale ------ Free to good home. Excellent guard dog.
Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore,
as there are no more drug pushers, thieves,
murderers, or molesters left in the neighborhood
for him to eat.
Most of them knew Jethro only by his Chinese street name...
Ho Lee Schitt!!!
Carlsberg Beer set up a stunt in which they filled a movie theater with tough-looking biker types, and filmed what innocent ticket-buyers would do.
The older we get....hmmm... What was I going to say again???
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied,
'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?'
'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her.
With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.
Brunette, by the way!!
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine.
The mother: 'I just gave him some ant killer......'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'
Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!
01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
04. People call at 9 PM and ask,"did I wake you?"
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now won't wear out.
08. You can eat supper at 4 PM.
09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list.
20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
And never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
This.... is.... AWESOME!!!!!
An awesome event! Is it not great all the things we get to see and know about!!
Best Day Of Fishing Ever!
I've heard of salmon jumping into boats but . . .
Four were pulled from the icy waters of Stephens Passage, Alaska, by a group
of locals on Tom Satre's 62-foot charter vessel. Four juvenile Sitka black-
tailed deer swam directly toward the boat.
Once the deer reached the boat, the four began to circle the boat, looking
directly at the humans on board. Clearly, the bucks were distressed. With
help, the typically skittish and absolutely wild animals came willingly onto
the boat. Once onboard, they collapsed with exhaustion, shivering.
Here the rescued bucks rest on the back of Tom Satre's boat, the Alaska
Quest. All four deer were transported to Taku Harbour. Once the group
reached the dock, the first buck that had been pulled from the water hopped
onto the dock, looked back, then leapt into the harbour, swam to shore, and
disappeared into the forest. After a bit of prodding and assistance from the
humans, two others followed suit, but one deer needed more help.
Here he is being transported by Tom Satre:
Tom, Anna and Tim Satre help the last of the "button" bucks to its feet.
They did not know how long the deer had been in the icy waters or if there had been others who did not survive. The good Samaritans (humans) describe their experience as "one of those defining moments in life." I'm sure it was for the deer, as well.
The photo was taken at the entrance to Katlian Bay at the end of the road in Sitka , Alaska ...
The whale is coming up to scoop up a mouthful of herring......... (the small fish seen at the surface around the kayak). The kayaker is a local Sitka Dentist. He apparently didnt sustain any injuries from the terrifying experience. The whale was just around the corner from the ferry terminal, and all the kayaker could think at that moment in time was: "Paddle Man - really fast!"
The whale's mouth is fully open with the bottom half under the boat. If the whale had closed his mouth before he furiously paddled away - He might have been LUNCH!!!
Look at the picture again - He is in the whale’s MOUTH!
I couldn't resist. This is PERFECT for today!!!
Friendship ( None of that sissy shit )
Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.
You will see no cute little smiley faces on this ~ Just the stone cold truth of our friendship.
1. When you are sad ~ I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue ~ I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile ~ I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.
4. When you are scared ~ I will rag on you about it every chance I get until you're NOT.
5. When you are worried ~ I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused ~ I will try to use only little words.
7. When you are sick ~ Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall ~ I will laugh at your clumsy ass, but I'll help you up.
9. This is my oath .... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask ~ because you are my friend.
Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.
Send this to 10 of your closest friends.
Then get depressed because you can only think of 4.
The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.
We are all familiar with a
Herd of cows,
a Flock of chickens,
a School of fish
and a Gaggle of geese.
However, less widely known is:
a Pride of lions,
a Murder of crows
(as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens),
an Exaltation of doves
and, presumably because they look so wise:
a Parliament of owls.
Now consider a group of Baboons.
They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates.
And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons?
Believe it or not ...... a Congress!
A CONGRESS OF BABOONS!
I guess that pretty much explains the things that come out of Washington !
You just can't make this stuff up.
Go green - Recycle Congress in 2012 !!!
Well, in honor of it now being October, we did our first annual Pun-Kin Run. If you SQUINT and use your imagination, our ride was in a pumpkin shape. Okay, I admit it looks like one of those pathetic rotting pumpkins that has spent a couple of weeks on a hot door step and was kicked in by that damn neighbor kid. That is STILL pumpkin shaped... Kind of... Maybe next year we will go through Townsend to round it out if the road construction that way is done. We rode down through Boulder, Whitehall, Butte (with an extended stop at Copper Canyon H-D), Garrison, and back home. Here is the route (220 miles or so)...