I am a geek. A Windows geek to be exact. I do all things computer. I do like outdoor activities; camping, fishing, riding my hawg, etc. but I always gravitate back to the computer. In fact, between work, the biz and other stuff, if I am not on the 'puter for 14 - 16 hours a day, I feel deprived!
A Baptist Preacher was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas.
After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant asked the preacher if he would like a drink. Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, then let liquor touch my lips."
The cowboy handed his drink back to the attendant and said; "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."
WOW! This is incredible!
On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
And God saw it was good.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
And God, again saw it was good.
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed it was good.
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch.
What is Celibacy?
Celibacy can be a choice in life or a condition imposed by circumstances.
While attending a Marriage Weekend In 1994, Dave and his wife Regina, listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He then addressed the men. "Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?"
Dave leaned over, touched Regina's arm gently and whispered, "Gold Medal-All-Purpose, Isn't it?"
And thus began Dave's life of celibacy.
Now you know why I'm so grumpy most of the time.
A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun,the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, 'May I please use the restroom?
The bartender replied, 'OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.'
'Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way,' said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, 'Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?'
'Well, now they know you're one of us,' said the bartender, 'Would you like a drink?'
'No thank you, but, I still don't understand,' said the puzzled nun.
'You see,' laughed the bartender, 'every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?
Cougar The Beautiful Sloth... You?
APHORISM: A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE THAT EXPRESSES A WISE OR CLEVER OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH.
1. The nicest thing about the future is . . . that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important. . .because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
9. No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy who wants to buy a car.
10. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m. - like, it could be the right number.
11. No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
12. Be careful about reading the fine print. . . . there's no way you're going to like it.
13. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
14. Do you realize that, in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
(And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)
15. Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a Yugo.
16. Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind . . . . and the ones that mind don't matter.
17. Life isn't tied with a bow . . . . . . . . but it's still a gift.
May you always have enough!
Pilot Father's Tough Love
Most people nowadays think it improper to discipline children harshly, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have had one of 'those moments.'
Since I'm a pilot, one way that I have found very effective is for me to just take the child for a flight during which I say nothing and give the child the opportunity to reflect on his or her behavior.
I don't know whether it's the steady vibration from the engines, the beauty of being in the air, or just the time away from any distractions, but it seems to always work. Whatever it is, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our flight together.
I believe that eye to eye contact during these sessions is an important element in achieving the desired results.
I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique...
SHOULD WORK WITH GRANDKIDS ALSO
These are great!
They are alternative meanings that should be added to the dictionary.
A person who has stopped growing at both ends
And is now growing in the middle.
A place where women curl up and dye.
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
An insect that makes you like flies better.
A grape with a sunburn.
Something you tell to one person at a time.
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
The pain that drives you to extraction.
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
An honest opinion openly expressed.
And MY Personal Favorite!
Something other people have,
Similar to my character lines.
The current class I am taking is called "Critical Thinking". I thought the "definition" below was interesting:
Critical Thinking: The art of thinking about thinking while thinking in order to make thinking better.
From the textbook: Critical Thinking: Tools for Taking Charge of Your Learning and Your Life
by Richard Paul and Linda Elder
My brain hurts.
1. Use "wasted" time.
We all waste at least some time in the course of our daily lives. We don't always manage it well or use it productively. Why not capitalize on the time you routinely squander by using it to practice thinking about your thinking? For example, say you regularly get stuck in traffic on your commute home from work or school. Instead of stewing behind the wheel while distractedly listening to the radio, you could use the time to mentally review your day, evaluating your thinking for its strengths and weaknesses.
2. Handle one problem per day.
Each day, choose one problem in your life to think through systematically. Identify its elements in order to figure out the logic of the problem. Ask yourself, what exactly is the problem and how can it be formulated as a question?
3. Internalize intellectual standards.
Every week, incorporate one of the following universal intellectual standards into your thinking:
For example, say you focus on precision for the week. Try to notice whenever you are imprecise in communicating with others. Be alert to when your position in an argument lacks specifics. When you read, be conscious of the absence of details offered by the author to support a point.
4. Keep an intellectual journal.
Compose a certain number of journal entries weekly. Use the following entry format:
- Describe only events or situations you care deeply about
- Describe one event or situation at a time
- Describe your behavior with respect to the event or situation (What did you say and/or do? How did you react?)
- Analyze exactly what was occurring in the event or situation. Your analysis should plumb beneath the surface.
- Assess the implications of your analysis. (What did you learn? What would you do differently if you could relive the event or situation?)
5. Practice intellectual strategies.
Choose a strategy from among those outlined in Chapter 17 (on strategic thinking) of Critical Thinking: Tools for Taking Charge of Your Learning and Your Life. Apply it. As you do, record your observations on what you learn about yourself and how you can use the strategy to better your thinking.
6. Reshape your character.
Select one intellectual trait (e.g., intellectual humility, courage, empathy, etc.) each month to aspire toward. Focus on what you can do to cultivate that trait in yourself.
7. Deal with your ego.
Be conscious of how your behavior is driven by egocentric thinking. To sharpen your observation of your own ego in action, consider daily questions like the following:
- Did I behave irrationally in order to get my way?
- Did I try to impose my will on others?
- Did small things make me irritable?
The first step is to identify egocentric thinking in action. Once you do, you can strive to replace it with more rational thinking. The path from egocentricity to rationality is systematic self-reflection.
8. Redefine the way you see things.
How one defines a situation - the meaning one ascribes to it - drives how one feels about it and acts in it. Be mindful that nearly any situation can be defined in more than one way. This fact presents you a prime opportunity to make your life more constructive and fulfilling.
Many situations in our lives that we define negatively could be redefined positively. When we transform a "con" into a "pro," we gain rather than lose. So practice redefining the way you see things. Convert negatives into positives, mistakes into learning opportunities, and dead-ends into new directions.
9. Get in touch with your emotions.
Work to identify the causes of negative emotion in your personal experience. Ask yourself a couple of questions:
- What, exactly, is the thinking that leads to this emotion?
- How might this thinking be flawed?
10. Analyze group influences on your life.
Contemplate the impact on how you act of social groups to which you belong. Analyze what behavior is encouraged and discouraged, respectively. What does any given group expect, or even require, you to believe? What are you proscribed from doing?
Recognizing how one's social memberships influence what one thinks and how one behaves is vital to one's development as a critical thinker.
I happened across this short article when doing some studying for a class. Thought it had some pretty good career advice! I feel pretty lucky, like I have found my career "Sweet Spot" as a geek.
Finding Your Career "Sweet Spot"
By D. Quinn Mills
We increase the likelihood of advancing in our careers if we can bring together what motivates us (our passion) and what we are good at (our capabilities). We call this intersection in a person's career one's "sweet spot."
Unfortunately, it may prove difficult to find our sweet spot because we may not be good at something that we feel passionate about. There are areas that some of us may have passion for - art, music, dance, sports, food, entertaining - but it is often more difficult for a person to develop a full-fledged career in these areas.
One way to help bring the two together is to try to obtain the skills and capabilities necessary to succeed in something that we're passionate about. Sometimes we rush to find a job that is in our sweet spot, but cannot, because we haven't the skills to match to our passion. In such cases, it's better to invest the time in acquiring the skills necessary to do well in something we care about, and then look for the perfect match.
Many people go into consulting early in their careers for this very reason. In consulting a person can pick up a wide variety of skills, and develop abilities and personal contacts that will help one get a position in a particular industry.
Looking for job passion
Another partial step that may be possible for many of us is to find an element of our jobs that we are passionate about. For example, a manager in a health services firm might not be particularly passionate about the administrative work, travel, and internal politics, but he might have considerable passion about saving lives with the company's medical devices.
In some instances it may take a long time to find a career that matches our sweet spots. But as long as we keep this goal in mind as we pursue our career paths, many of us will eventually come across a job that comes close to our own personal special intersection of passion and competence.
For some of us there will never be an intersection of passion and competence in the work environment. But all is not lost.
First, many people take jobs that have no relation to their passions. They expect to dislike the job immensely, but instead end up loving the job. Why? Because of the people and the teams they work with, because of the positive culture of the firm, and because of the energy of the place. While they may not be working in an industry whose products they love, they've found passion for their jobs nonetheless.
For many of us, finding this sort of passion at work, regardless of the industry, might be a more plausible way to embrace our sweet spots. In this situation, the sweet spot is a working environment that motivates us.
For example, a young man has spent a bit of time working in a capital markets role. Although he doesn't love the hours or sometimes the companies he works with, he does enjoy the excitement of doing a deal. The fun he has - and the enjoyment he receives from the environment - compensate him for the parts of the job that he doesn't enjoy as much.
D. Quinn Mills is the Alfred J. Weatherhead Jr. Professor of Business Administration emeritus at Harvard Business School. He consults with major corporations and teaches on subjects of leadership, strategy, and financial investments.
Copyright © 2007 D. Quinn Mills
1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
A person who pledged their very life in defense of the Constitution of the United States
Someone who endured environmental and physical extremes while battling foreign and domestic enemies of the Constitution
A person whose fidelity and loyalty to the Constitution remains ever strong
A person who has gone into the Valley of Death in obedience to lawful orders of the President and of superior officers
A person who voluntarily gave up their Constitutional freedoms and became subject to the Uniform Code of Military Justice
A person who asks to give but never to be given
A person who may be a recipient of but never sought a citation for bravery
One who proudly salutes the Anthem and Flag of the United States of America
One who protects the loathsome protestor’s freedom of speech and right to burn the Flag
A person who is blind to human differences and accepts the strength of diversity
A person who never was and is not now a victim
The only one who is capable of truly understanding another Veteran
One who does not ask to be understood but for others to be understanding
That person sitting alone, looking into the past with eyes full of tears, asking the unanswerable, "Why not me?"
With love and respect for my brothers and sisters
Terry S. Bowman,
SMSgt (Ret) USAF
Thanks Fran for sending this to me. I couldn't have said this better myself! Thank you SMSgt Bowman for the inspired words and thank you to all the military members (current and former) who have voluntarily accepted the call to duty and to those who have given the greatest sacrifice for the good of the rest of us!
I had to look up "paraprosdokian." Here is the definition: "A figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation."
e.g. "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.
Ok, so now enjoy!
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Words of Wisdom
"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese." ~ Jon Hammond