I am a geek. A Windows geek to be exact. I do all things computer. I do like outdoor activities; camping, fishing, riding my hawg, etc. but I always gravitate back to the computer. In fact, between work, the biz and other stuff, if I am not on the 'puter for 14 - 16 hours a day, I feel deprived!
Ah admit Ah haf been a bitty bit busy lately an' haf been ignoring da blog a bitty bit bit. SO, Ah skeedaddled online an' fount some ruby scruff stuff ta cyfer up fer someones hootinany.
Hope y'all likey!
Redneck Medical Terms
Benign - What you be, after you be eight.
Artery - The study of paintings
Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria
Barium - what doctors do when patients die
Cesarean section - a neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan - searching for kitty
Cauterize - made eye contact with her
Colic - a sheep dog
coma- a punctuation mark
D & C - Where Washington is
Dilate - to live long
Enema - Not a friend
Fester - quicker than someone else
Fibula - a small lie
Genital - a non-Jewish person
GI series - world series of military baseball
Hangnail - what you hang your coat on
Impotent - distinguished, well-known
Labor pain - getting hurt at work
medical staff - a doctor's cane
Morbid - a higher offer
Nitrates - cheaper than day rates
Node - I knew it
Outpatient - a person who has fainted
Pap Smear - A fatherhood test
Pelvis - second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative - a letter carrier
Recovery room - place to do upholstery
Rectum - darn near killed him
Secretion - hiding something
Seizure - a Roman emperor
Tablet - a small table
Terminal Illness - getting sick at the airport
Tumor - one plus one more
Urine - opposite of you're out
Varicose - nearby / close by
How To Speak Southern
(Hah Tu Spek Suthun)
BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."
MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts."
IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Auburn Alumni."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"
RANCH - noun. A tool.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
FAR - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."
BAHS - noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"
TAR - noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
TIRE - noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
HOT - noun. A blood-pumping organ.
HOD - adverb. Not easy.
Usage: "A broken hot is hod to fix."
RETARD - Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My granpaw retard at age 65."
TARRED - adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."
RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats."
LOT - adjective. Luminescent.
Usage: "I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair."
FARN - adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."
DID - adjective. Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."
EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA. AKA Lower Alabama ).
Usage: "He can't breathe ... give 'em some ear!"
BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
JU-HERE - a question.
Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?"
HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert."
SEED - verb, past tense.
VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"
HEAVY DEW - phrase. A request for action.
Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"
GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown!"
Did you know that if you watch Jaws backwards, it is about a shark that throws up so many people that they have to open a beach???
I think winter MIGHT be here. Check this out; 2:49pm on Saturday November 20th. We have a 25.1 MPH wind out of the North. The temperature is 3.7F and wind chill is -19F. BRRRRR! Think I will head out for a ride!!!
Now if you notice, the weather station says partly cloudy... Does this look partly cloudy to you???
Here is my new phone.
This is EXACTLY my speed!!! Doesn't even require a teenager to operate it!
It all started with a dark and stormy knight. He rode out of the foreboding castle on his way to who knows where. His valiant steed carried him at a blistering pace toward his destiny. Upon reaching his destiny, he discovered that fate's plan for him wasn't nearly as exciting as he thought it would be, so he reigned in the stallion and returned to the castle in a funk.
I was the poor punching bag that crossed his path on the drawbridge...
DANG MY LUCK!
For those of you that wonder why we (as geeks) are so... ummmmm... unique. It is because we get to memorize titillating things like the object of awe below!
This is theoretical list of steps your computer and network devices go through, and defines how they connect, when you click on something to send or retrieve it from the network/internet (top to bottom when sending and bottom to top when receiving). I am SO excited!!! Fortunately for we geeks there are entertaining "MNEMONICS" to help prick our memories. Please meet...
(Bottom to top)
(Top to Bottom)
|Layer 2||Data Link||Do||Data|
You might be wondering, WHY?!?!?! Why would they do such a thing and WHY would anyone care???? Well, the whole idea was to give hardware manufacturers a common set of guidelines so they could create equipment that would be able to communicate with equipment from other manufacturers. "Interoperability" as it were...
So tired... Must sleep...
Here is the GRIT of the OSI Model!
OSI Layer Facts
The following table compares the functions performed at each OSI model layer.
|Layer||Description and Keywords|
|Application (Layer 7)||The Application layer integrates network functionality into the host operating system, and enables network services. The Application layer does not include specific applications that provide services, but rather provides the capability for services to operate on the network.
Most Application layer protocols operate at multiple layers down to the Session and even Transport layers. However, they are classified as Application layer protocols because they start at the Application layer (the Application layer is the highest layer where they operate). Services typically associated with the Application layer include:
|Presentation (Layer 6)||The Presentation layer formats or "presents" data into a compatible form for receipt by the Application layer or the destination system. Specifically, the Presentation layer ensures:
|Session (Layer 5)||The Session layer's primary function is managing the sessions in which data is transferred. Functions at this layer include:
|Transport (Layer 4)||The Transport layer provides a transition between the upper and lower layers of the OSI model, making the upper and lower layers transparent from each other. Transport layer functions include:
|Network (Layer 3)||The Network layer describes how data is routed across networks and on to the destination. Network layer functions include:
|Data Link (Layer 2)||Logical Link Control (LLC)||The Data Link layer defines the rules and procedures for hosts as they access the Physical layer. These rules and procedures specify or define:
|Media Access Control (MAC)|
|Physical (Layer 1)||The Physical layer of the OSI model sets standards for sending and receiving electrical signals between devices. Protocols at the Physical layer identify:
If you haven't read "The day I was a hero..." below, read it first. This is the second part of that saga...
So, we drive on...
Everyone comes out of the store and we get into our vehicles and hit the road. About 5 miles down the road these two park ranger trucks go blasting by in the opposite direction with their lights flashing. As soon as they get past us they turn around and head back our direction. We pull over and they shoot past us. We were thinking SOMEONE IS IN TROUBLE!!! We keep on driving down the road. Another five miles down the road we find about 6 park ranger trucks, lights flashing surrounding and they have the two guys in that pickup pulled over in this pullout next to a huge lake. There is one ranger talking to the guy in the driver’s seat and another on the passenger side with his hand on his gun (I didn’t even know park rangers HAD guns!!!). The rest are kind of standing around their trucks and stuff, paying close attention to the action.
We stop and take a couple of pictures of the lake and the mountains and watch them for 10 or 15 minutes. It seemed like a standoff so we decided to take off and headed down the road. We saw the moose and took some pictures and headed back. It was about an hour later when we came to the same point and the rangers and pickup were all STILL there. Now, however, they had the two guys out of the truck and were putting handcuffs on the guy that was suggesting I should flatten Jelly Bean. So, I don’t know if he was moving in to take a hostage or something when his buddy came out or if he was just trying to be sociable. Anyway, I figure that it was more than just a normal traffic/DUI bust as they had to be waiting for them to have so many rangers there in such a short time.
Never did find out what it was all about, but WOW it was a pretty exciting day!
Here is a sort of puzzle I ran across a few years ago. I thought I would post it again. It IS solvable but I don't remember what the result is. It COULD be "entertaining" or not...
SO, click Read More... and see the challenge...
If you get it sorted out, click here and tell me what it says... PLEASE?!?!?!
(Don't post the answer as a comment in case anyone else wants to try... K?)
This is a story of an adventure we had in Yellowstone National Park on memorial day weekend in 2006.
Saturday morning we had stopped at Old Faithful to watch it go off. My Mom and Penny decided they wanted to walk around the geyser basin and they don’t allow dogs on the path so I told them I would stay and hang on to Jelly Bean (our Boston Terrorist). Well, everyone else decided to stay as well. So we wandered back over to the gift store area.
After about an hour or so, my bro Chris decided we should get our lunch stuff out and eat so we didn’t have to stop later. We noticed a picnic table over by the road that was being cleaned up by the previous tenants and went over and claimed it. Chris went and got his truck and dropped off the supplies and then went and parked. We got all set up and Chris started cooking the sausages.
About this time we noticed a huge male bison come walking out of the trees across the road with branches stuck to his horns. People were running up to get as close as they dared so they could get pictures with him. He finally got annoyed enough that we charged a couple who dropped their bags and ran for their lives. We were getting quite a kick out of the show until we realized he was now headed in our direction.
When he got to the other side of the road and started crossing right at us we decided that we had better get up and get the table between us. When he reached our side of the road, I realized that Jelly Bean was still tied to the side of the table closest to him. So, he was still about 10 feet away and I ran around the table to get JB. She was just staring up at him with those big bug eyes. I fumbled with her leash and finally got her unhooked. By this time the bison was no more then 5 feet from me. Maybe even 3. I guess he didn’t sense any aggression in my actions or something because he just kind of looked at me and went on.
As soon as I had Jelly in my arms and was headed back around the table she started barking wildly… I told her “SHUT UP”… I was a momentary hero with my family for risking my life to save Jelly Bean. The bison continued on and broke up several other picnics on his way to his destination. In fact, the people that were at the table next to us were about 200 yards away standing there looking at the show… Basically, if the bison had felt like it he could have gotten me good… and then there was the jaunt down to Grand Teton NP after that…
So, yesterday I get up. The clock said 7:30am, which is just stupid early on Sunday morning. Then I come in to my computer and... WHAT?!?!? 6:30am?!?!? UGH! I HAD ALREADY STARTED MY COFFEE! Can't go back to bed now...
Remember that song; "These are a few of my favorite things!"? WELL IT'S NOT! FALLING BACK AND SPRINGING FORWARD DEFINITELY DO NOT BELONG IN THE FAVORITE THING CATEGORY! They just don't sound safe. In fact, they sound like accidents waiting to happen for a sedentary and semi (or maybe really) clumsy galoot like me. I don't like it and I don't think I am alone! I think we should have one more "Spring Forward" and then put an end to this time changing foolishness before someone gets hurt! GRRRRR.
I know the Iowa farmers I have interviewed (a statically significant number of 6) don't like it either because cows and pigs don't have watches, or maybe it was that they couldn't tell time. (Should have taken notes...) Even clocks don't seem to enjoy it! See the image to the right as an proof! That doesn't look like a happy clock. I am starting my write-in campaign against time change today! So please, join me in my chant (or rant)!!!
THE TIME IS NOW, TO STOP THE CHANGE OF TIME!
THE TIME IS NOW, TO STOP THE CHANGE OF TIME!
THE TIME IS NOW, TO STOP THE CHANGE OF TIME!
THE TIME IS NOW, TO STOP THE CHANGE OF TIME!
THE TIME IS NOW, TO STOP THE CHANGE OF TIME!
We have light switches and headlights and we know how to use them! Clocks don't like it, and most of all, COWS AND PIGS DON'T HAVE WATCHES OR CAN'T TELL TIME!
Another thing for my pet peeve list... Perhaps I whine a bit...
I like to hold them and stroke them and call them George!
Anyway... I will be writing them, and adding more to the list, in the future.
1. Talking/texting on the cellphone while driving. Some people just don't have sufficient brain power to multi-task like this! Props to Billings Montana for passing a law making this practice illegal! We need to spread that law around the state!
2. Bicyclists who ride the wrong direction on one way streets (how can you see the traffic lights?) and who just plain ignore traffic laws. Every time I see one blow through a red light or run a stop sign, my teeth get a little flatter.
More to come...
Riding in this weather...
You know... mornings can be cold. Upper 20s and 80MPH = BRRRR3!!! I feel like the little brother in "A Christmas Story"... I CAN'T PUT MY ARMS DOWN!!!! and SHOW ME HOW THE LITTLE PIGGIES EAT!!! (but that is a different random thought) Then there is the MAN PURSE. I like to think of it as a courier bag - or maybe a European Shoulder Bag - but some may argue that. I square my shoulders and ride because I HAVE TO CARRY MY LUNCH SOMEWHERE!!! I am a growing boy after all! I give a fair dose of evil eye - through the fogged visor - to all I pass, give the clutch a squeeze and the throttle a healthy RAP to let them know that I know what they are thinking. They always look away with a fearful look in their eye, or maybe that is bordome with their cell phone call, I don't know. I could have them mixed up, they are very similar looks.
At lunch time - after piggy time, I can go for a nice ride. AH! Except for the trains across Montana Ave - it is NICE! I can pretend I am a real biker all dressed up in my biker costume (especially if I keep my jacket zipped so they don't see my polo and think I am a RUB* (GOD FORBID!!!)). Okay, while I am not a TRUE RUB, I admit to being a "R'er" UB then I used to be! I ride like I have lost the rest of my un-marked biker gang and I know they are just around that next bend!
In the evenings, it is back to being BUNDLED. Not because it is particularly cold, but, because I have to take all my stuff home so I can wear it all again the next morning.
The sidewall of my old front mountain bike tire said it just right... "SHUT UP AND RIDE!" This time of year sure makes that first cuppa office coffee delish tho! 7,400 miles and counting since April 2nd!!!
* Rich Urban Biker
By the way... It is pronounced "T8R"!!!
Since it looks like the Republicans are regaining some seats in Washington, I thought I would post one of my favorite elephant stories...
Sometimes these 'heartwarming' stories are a bit too sappy for me but this one is truly interesting...
In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.
Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.
The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure.
He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.
The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter's legs and slammed his stupid body against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
1. an organization of persons with related interests, goals, etc., esp. one formed for mutual aid or protection.
2. any of various medieval associations, as of merchants or artisans, organized to maintain standards and to protect the interests of its members, and that sometimes constituted a local governing body.
3. Botany. a group of plants, as parasites, having a similar habit of growth and nutrition.
One of my brothers turned me onto this site. Basically it is about a group of six people who belong to a "guild" of medieval characters in an online game. For anyone that doesn't know, they each have a specific role in the group; e.g. rogue, priestess, archer, etc. The characters in the videos are very different and it is funny to see them interact in person and online as they play. It definitely brings back memories of the times in the past where I was deeply involved in these kinds of games. I highly recommend the videos but they can be a bit... racy at times. Probably PG-13 or so... Anyway, click the image below and give it a go! There are four seasons so be sure to watch them from the beginning!