I am a geek. A Windows geek to be exact. I do all things computer. I do like outdoor activities; camping, fishing, riding my hawg, etc. but I always gravitate back to the computer. In fact, between work, the biz and other stuff, if I am not on the 'puter for 14 - 16 hours a day, I feel deprived!
FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:
Please enjoy and understand the following :
1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.
3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?
34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
You know, I have always liked having four seasons. I have lived all around the world and the places where I lived that had fewer just seemed to lack something. That being said, there comes a time when enough is enough and it is simply time to move on to the next season. SO, with that...
This image sent to me by my friend Fran!
My friend Matt sent me the first image in this list. I noticed it was from MthruF.com and I thought I would go take a look. Definitely, if you have a minute to browse, check out this site. They have some pretty funny office humor on there!
Having spent some time in Central Australia, and visiting around the Eastern perimeter, these photo's kind of hit home and made me a bit sad. Have a look.
Some first-hand pics.
Perhaps the most rivetting pic to me is the tug boat going down the main street of the Brisbane Central Buisness District.
It is the third largest city in Ozz, with a population of 3.3 million.
Now the crocs are moving in, the one shown was in the Central Park in Rockhampton City, they are gorging on dogs and carrion.
Now also the bloody snakes are everywhere, washed out of the bush and taken residence in abandoned houses in towns and the cities.
No one knows yet the real cost of all this, but it will be just massive, and it is gonna hurt us.
For the most part, Australia is flat and is just a massive flood plain, and it all runs from north to south.
Thanks to our friend Fran for sending the original email to me!
I have an idea for a new, probably boring, geek feature for my site. As part of my research for this idea I ran across this Password Tester! Try it out! It is pretty cool! This item is actually on the Computer Tips & Trix menu. There is a link to the original site at the bottom of the page, if you want to get a copy for yourself!
As I learn new things, I have made a few adjustments to some of the features on the Humor & Fun menu.
1. The Baby Namers: I have added cookies so it remembers your last name and also remembers the list of names you like for about 30 days after the last addition, or until you clear the list. I also added a little image on the top right that will allow you to switch between the girl namer and boy namer without revisiting the menus.
2. The Name Bander: Like the Baby Namers, it will remember the list of names you like for 30 days after the last addition, or until you clear the list.
3. The Random Nonsense Generator: It will allow you to backup and see the last sentence if you clicked too soon. This is just a toggle. You can go back one and return to the current one. You may also go back one, then just continue on. It also allows you to save a list of the ones you like for 30 days after the last update. I have added quite a mix of stuff to it, some may end up sounding naughty by coincedence and some may be naughty on purpose. Some may be weird and because of the mix, some may simply be nonsensical rubish. Keep clicking and remember you can click on the version line below for details about how much is in the each list.
4. Evil Overlord and Shakespearean Insulter: The only real changes to these is it no longer does a page refresh to get to the new stuff. However, Shakespeare does not talk every time now. Only when you first connect to the page. (Watch the image, he doesn't mean it...).
More to follow!
Some of you may have noticed our site was down for nearly 24 hours. We run this site on a server at our house and we have to register with a "Dynamic DNS" service to allow the connection to our server because of how our ISP handles internet access. This is why there is the :4763 after our site name. Anyway, the company we WERE using announced six months or so ago that they would no longer provide this service once our agreement ran out. They are getting out of THIS business, it was not anything we did. We are SO controversial after all... It was just our time, our agreement expired. It just took some time to get our site name transfered to a now hosting company and get everything reconfigured to point at our server. GOT'ER DUN!
Actually, it might be my imagination but I THINK it the site comes up a little faster now. Maybe that is my imagination and it will change after the shiny new wears off.
I did some work on my Random Nonsense Generator... Check it out! HERE!
If you are interested in details about how the program works, click on the version line in the bottom right corner. It will provide a description along with the number of items in the lists... (it is essentally my counter to let me know how many items I have added)
Actually, I have tweaked and tuned MOST of the things on the Humor & Fun menu above. Check them out too!
Letters... Funny Letters...
So, I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends? Come on now.
I've never heard anyone say "I don't know, let's Yahoo it!"Just sayin'...
Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely, Black people
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sorry to hear about global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely, The Titanic
Sincerely, Stevie Wonder
Sincerely, The World
I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely, Sarah Palin
Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Sincerely, United States
Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
Sincerly, Parents Everywhere
What was your power again?
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies
I'm sorry, did you just insult us? I couldn't hear you over my health care benefits.
Dear Global Warming,
You're the best imaginary friend ever!
Sincerely, Al Gore
How did you get away with the kids sitting on your lap trick?
Sincerely, Michael Jackson
Dear Ugly People,
Dear Mr. Gump
WTF are you talking about? There's a little diagram on the lid that tells you EXACTLY what you're gonna get....
Dear Katy Perry,
I liked the kiss too.
Sincerely, Justin Beiber
Dear Martin Luther King Jr.
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream.... What now?
Sincerely, Leonardo Di Caprio
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely, The Mayans
GET BACK TO WORK!
Sincerely, Willy Wonka
Dear White People,
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely, Native Americans
If he sparkles, he's probably one of ours
Sincerely, Gay Men Of America
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Sincerely, Every iPhone User
Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?
At least you get picked up...
Sincerely, The Girls of Jersey Shore
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.
Sincerely, Dr. Pepper
Subject: Dear God: It's me, the Dog
I loved this. It made me laugh out loud.
From: THE DOG
Dear God: Is it on purpose that our
names are the same, only reversed?
Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers,
but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
Dear God: When we get to Heaven, can we sit
on your couch? Or will it be the same old story?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after
the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang,
the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE
named for a Dog? How often do you
see a cougar riding around? We love a nice car
ride! Would it be so hard to rename
the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?
Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off
in the forest and no human hears him,
is he still a bad Dog?
Dear God: We Dogs can understand human
verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles,
horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs,
electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee
flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God: More meatballs,
less spaghetti, please.
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven?
If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God: Here is a list of
just some of the things I must remember
to be a good Dog:
1. I will not eat the cat's food before he eats
it or after he throws it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish,
crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's
underwear when he's on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's
crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.
8. I don't need to suddenly stand
straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before
entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside,
and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living
room, and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy',
so when I play with him and he makes that noise,
it's usually not a good thing.
P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven,
may I have my testicles back?